On his first night at basketball practice, the coach rounded up the team and asked them to sit in a circle. He asked the kids to introduce themselves with their name and an animal that they like that starts with the same letter as the first letter of their first name.
Chris looked up to me in the bleachers. His eyes were pleading.
For the love of all things fair and equitable, he was not called on to go first. He listened as the other kids spoke, one by one. As it came closer to his turn, one of the assistant coaches (and our neighbor) came to his rescue. He ran to Chris’ side and whispered something in his ear.
When it came time for Chris, he spoke so very softly. He said, “I am Chris. My favorite animal is a cat.”
As I smiled broadly for Chris, and quietly cheered him on, I realized how often this kind of experience must happen to him. How many times he pretends to know what is going on because it is easier… At school, at home, with his friends…
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A few weeks ago, we went to Polish mass at a local church. We have talked about going frequently, but Chris has always declined – not wanting to go. But one day, he asked if we could go to Polish mass. He was ready.
As we settled into our seats, Chris was excited to find that our friends were at church too! Oh, how he loves our friends, Pan and Pani. As the mass got started, we followed along in the missal which had Polish on one side and English on the other.
Chris smiled as the mass got started. But then his brow started to furrow. And then I saw his nose crinkle. Half way through the homily, he tugged at my shirt. “Mama, I don’t want to stay anymore.” I assured him that he would be fine. “But, Mama,” he said, looking like he was going to cry, “I don’t understand him. I don’t know Polish anymore.”
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And so my baby is caught between two languages. His Polish is (almost) gone. His English is still being built.
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We know that Chris can get his Polish back. He has already expressed an interest in hanging out with our friend Pani for a few days. We know it is still in there, it just needs to be practiced every now and then now that he is ready to explore Polish again.
We also know that Chris wants desperately to be perfectly fluent in English. He wants to fit in with all the other kids and not worry that he is missing something important. We can help with that. We just need to remind ourselves every now and then that he needs our help more than he lets on.
9 comments:
What wonderful stories. I'm so glad that Chris wants to remember Polish. Even better that you have a resource in your friends to help him. He sounds like such a great kid.
That was such a nice story! How neat that Chris has such a wonderful adult support group. I am sure it is hard for him to fit in, but still be proud of his heritage and language. Like Julie said it is nice that you have friends that will help him retain his Polish. It may not be a big deal to him right now, but it will when he is older.
PS what a great picture, so handsome!
Oh Sarah . . . yes . . . I get it.
While our sons don't have school peers to contend with, they experience this on the soccer field. They share during soccer season introductions and are immediately called liars. Heart wrenching. Praise God we have a great coach who sets the others straight.
Mine still understand Polish (Tata reads them their bible lesson in Polish every morning so that helps) but aren't speaking as much. However, with a 10-day visit to Babcia and Dziadek in a few weeks, I have a feeling it will bounce right back.
In the middle, yes, that's exactly where they all are. But He is risen, and His perfect grace will cover this too . . .
Oh how my heart aches for Chris because I see the same happening with my children. I'm glad he's expressed an interest in his native language. I'm still trying to encourage my kids to keep it. But as with Chris, they still need time to be ready.
Now that we've moved away from our Polish friends and contacts, we're going to have to find all new ones here in WI.
PS I agree with Ramie, Chris is very handsome.
LOVE the photo and the post! I know exactly what you're going through as you watch your son between worlds. My son is going through the same. He's hiding it quite well, but we've told him it's okay to say he doesn't understand a word. But every so often I see him just shrugging, trying to hide the fact that he did not understand what he heard.
Our children sure are resilient.
God bless that wonderful assistant coach and your Polish friends. The basketball story was moving. It really does take a village.
I can't imagine myself feeling stuck between two worlds let alone watching my son feeling stuck between two worlds. Clearly, you are doing all you can by helping him get used to life in America while still aiding his connection to Poland. I agree with other comments that spoke of the resiliency of children. Chris will find peace with this in his own way. What a strong, handsome boy.
Wow,I have tears streaming down my face. I can only imagine how excited and loved he feels, but at the same time remembering the life he used to have. What a tough spot for you as his parents as well. However, it sounds like he has learned so much in such a short amount of time. I agree with the previous comments, children are very resilient. God Bless You!
Hello! My heart went out to Chris on this story as well. I can't imagine being stuck in the middle. It helps reinforce Lee and I's conviction to keep Polish alive in our house when we get home. Thanks for sharing!
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